The unfairness of love

Sometimes life and love are not fair, they tend to give us challenges, punishments, and temptations. They choose to show and let us be close to what we want and wish, but never permiting us have it. It takes all of our strength to not move, touch or speak, and it can be mistaken by fear, pride, or inner judgment.

So I stand up today and say it out loud because I cannot continue under the unfairness.  It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I cannot touch you, speak to you, see you, or hug you every time I want. I feel a pain in my chest and my breath goes away every moment you are around, the sound of your voice or a glance of your silhouette; that I have memorized by heart.

I know why it is; I know you are close, and my heart cannot understand why you are not looking at me or desiring me as much as he does. You are close, hanging around, but not enough for my craving to be satiated.

It’s not fair to live in that unknown of what to do, think and how to act. One minute it seems like the attraction is mutual and our souls are in the same channel, other it seems like we are so apart we even are in different planets. I want to hold your hand as long as I want and that we can speak so much our throats hurt. I want to to all this and more in the most simple and sane way possible.

I want to let me feel you and grant you permission to you explore me in every way you wish, let the unknown go away; allow our feelings come and speak for themselves. But it does not matter how much I want things to be or how much my heart squeezes himself, some situations will not change and come clear.

Speaking all of this I may not change anything of the world around me or it’s unfairness. What really changes is me, I no longer have to be silent and keep everything I want to tell you and the world. I can finally be honest with myself and stop playing as all useless and defenseless against my life and my love for you and others.

-LCA

Cumplir sueños también es solitario.

Hace unos tres meses no veía a mi mejor amiga pues se fue a Italia a vivir y a seguir sus sueños de estudiar pastelería italiana. A primera vista mi amiga del alma era la misma de siempre; nos abrazamos y emocionamos al vernos, hablamos sobre el viaje y de las aventuras que habíamos tenido en los últimos días. Pero poco a poco fui viendo ciertos cambios en ella. No fueron malos o de su personalidad sino de su actitud, madurez, confianza, inteligencia y del orden de sus prioridades.

Definitivamente vivir en otro lugar alejado de quienes amamos y de nuestros pilares de soporto es duro y aun mas cuando se debe de aprender a acomodarse porque no están ni mami ni papi para ayudar. A cientos de kilómetros de distancia y uno solo, debemos de aprender como sobrevivir en este nuevo mundo al cual no lanzamos. Nadie nos levantara del suelo si nos caemos, tenemos que levantarnos por nosotros mismos; nadie nos tendrá comida hecha cuando nos despertemos temprano o regresemos tarde a la casa, no habrá a quien abrazar en mucho tiempo, ni nadie con quien compartir una sonrisa sincera y la felicidad de vivir en muchas ocasiones.

El cambio que note en ella es lo que se ha convertido como mujer, como persona, como  ciudadana. Note como ya no ve a la vida de forma soñadora sino que la ve como un desafío, la ve como una realidad. Ella tiene los pies directos en la tierra y sabe que la guerra no esta ni cerca de terminar y la tranquilidad que la espera aun no están nada cerca. Ella esta bien centralizada y tiene el conocimiento suficiente para entender que una vez que termine en Italia todo entonces no significa que ya puede relajarse, sino que significa una nueva batalla y una nueva aventura lo que le espera. Es saber que tendrá que ponerle mucho esfuerzo para poder seguir con su plan de vida y junto a Di-os estoy segura que lo va a lograr.

Me enorgullece verla que esta luchando, poniendo un pie adelante del otro y nunca dejando su guardia baja. Ella entiende que tiene que luchar los malos días de la vida para poder ganar los mejores. Sabe que habrán llantos, palizas, gritos, desesperaciones y ganas de rendirse pero también vendrán risas, dulces momentos, éxitos, bendiciones y satisfacción. Y estoy consiente yo que lo que puedo hacer es aprender de ella y verla crecer; puedo apoyarla y ser su soporte cuando lo necesite y yo misma seguir mis sueños para poder cumplirlos junto a ella.

Muchas gracias.

-LCA

Los sentimientos que me brinda el mundo.

Me da inspiran las hojas de los arboles cuando caen desde el cielo creando una lluvia de colores.
Me da risa como las nubes se mueven y crean diferentes formas; me dejan volar mi imaginación tal y como ellas vuelan en el cielo.
Me da gracia como el viento viene y va de todas las direcciones, mostrando su forma salvaje y cálida de acompañarnos. Me interesa como se mueve y como afecta todo su alrededor, nunca pasa desapercibido.
Me da en que reflexionar como el agua se moldea a su entorno y me da una calidez que siempre deja algo cuando se va y me conmueve que como las partículas luchan por quedarse juntas creando así una superficie liza y redondeada.
Me da tristeza como la vida se mueve y nadie lo nota, como nadie se detiene a ver las cosas que tenemos a nuestro alrededor y no aprecia lo bello que es lo que nos rodea.
Pero ante esa tristeza que las personas provocan al ignorar las maravillas de la vida, el mundo me alegra dándome a mi el placer de poder disfrutarlas. El mundo no se resiente con todos por la ignorancia de las demás personas, porque hemos algunos que si nos fijamos en el mundo. Nos da la oportunidad a los que nos volteamos a ver por la ventana, a los que caminamos un poco más lento, a los que nos detenemos a ver la flor que crece a nuestro lado.

The time between us

How to stop time= kiss
How to travel time= read
How to escape time= music
How to feel time= write
How to release time= breath

“I want to be escaping time with you in the endless nights, while we travel time through our eyes and feel time in the proximity of our skin, and every time we stop time we feel like it’s the first time in awhile that we release it.” – LCA

Little princess: moonlight

One warm night the little princess, unable to sleep went for a walk to catch some air. To her pleasent surprise the moon was out almost full and the white glow will illuminate all the kingdom. She unaware ended up in one of her favorite places, the garden.

She sat on the edge of the fountain watching at the water flow and the moons reflection. She started humming and then singing.

“Hold me close and hold me fast

The magic spell you cast

This is la vie en rose

When you kiss me, Heaven sighs

And though I close my eyes

I see la vie en rose”

In the middle of the night, from one off the windows someone was watching her with hypnotized gazed. Starting to walk faster across the halls just to be with her a little time. Before continuing singing the little princess turned around by a noice, just to see her loyal soldier standing on the door; catching his breath. He camed closer with calm steps and she moved to the side to let him sit near to her.

The moon was shining both of them… a little princess and a nightmare. She turned to see him just to find him staring at her with no shame. His eyes light up by the moon melting her heart and made her feel save. She crawled near him and put both of her hands on the side of his face. He closed the space between them and kissed her with all the desire and love he had for her. Without shame they stayed on each other’s arms until late.

At the end the little princess fell asleep on his arms and her loyal soldier carried her to her bed. Laying her in with a soft touch, and before walking away he gave her a small kiss on the forehead.

“You are the best nightmare I’ve ever had” the little princess whispered to him before kissing him softly in his mouth and going back to bed where once again she fell asleep instantly.

Destiny at is last

​As the car moved gently across the road I stared at the outside night world, and thought of the silence that came with it. “I just don’t get it” he argued to me while we were in the car. – “What?” I responded, turning around to see him. – “The way you are acting. You are so relaxed and calm it makes me sad and uneasy.” he told me looking concerned. It is not the first time he had looked like that, but it was the first time he did so intensely. I grabbed his hand gently and squeezed it just a little. – “What would be the logic and purpose of fighting over the main cause I was surely created?” I responded calmed and serene while feeling dizzy.

A beast in chains

My darling, my beast. He growls and beats the chains that he is forever enslaved too. He can feel the rage over his vains and his misanthrope gaining strength.

No one wants to be close when he transforms, fearing his glare, rage and power.

She listened to his growls and howls from the distance and his raging screams makes her heart vibrate with ease. While feeling scared and not very useful she began trying to communicate with his heart.

Cause even in full darkness and madness she would still feel his weak and pleading soul asking for help.

Let’s feel together while being far apart

Even seeing you across me through a feel phone screen makes my heart melt. Your voice is like soft silk in my ears making me feel in peace. The look in your eyes makes me feel loved and cared.

My love, my darling, my beast. I think of you each night and day; thinking of you are fine and well, you have eaten and happy.

I cannot describe good enough how you make me feel even if it’s while laughing and talking random topics during a FaceTime call. But I am sure and aware that I like it and love to spend time with you even virtually.

What is happening?

How do you do it? Why does my mind and body react the way they do? Have I gone crazy? The simple though of you makes me feel warm and happy.

Is this love? If it is… how do you react to it? Can you control it? Why can I think straight? I feel confused yet confident.

What are you doing to me?, that I cannot understand anymore or find logic in it. So many questions and new emotions in my mind and body that I cannot control them anymore, if I try it I might go crazy.