The unfairness of love

Sometimes life and love are not fair, they tend to give us challenges, punishments, and temptations. They choose to show and let us be close to what we want and wish, but never permiting us have it. It takes all of our strength to not move, touch or speak, and it can be mistaken by fear, pride, or inner judgment.

So I stand up today and say it out loud because I cannot continue under the unfairness.  It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I cannot touch you, speak to you, see you, or hug you every time I want. I feel a pain in my chest and my breath goes away every moment you are around, the sound of your voice or a glance of your silhouette; that I have memorized by heart.

I know why it is; I know you are close, and my heart cannot understand why you are not looking at me or desiring me as much as he does. You are close, hanging around, but not enough for my craving to be satiated.

It’s not fair to live in that unknown of what to do, think and how to act. One minute it seems like the attraction is mutual and our souls are in the same channel, other it seems like we are so apart we even are in different planets. I want to hold your hand as long as I want and that we can speak so much our throats hurt. I want to to all this and more in the most simple and sane way possible.

I want to let me feel you and grant you permission to you explore me in every way you wish, let the unknown go away; allow our feelings come and speak for themselves. But it does not matter how much I want things to be or how much my heart squeezes himself, some situations will not change and come clear.

Speaking all of this I may not change anything of the world around me or it’s unfairness. What really changes is me, I no longer have to be silent and keep everything I want to tell you and the world. I can finally be honest with myself and stop playing as all useless and defenseless against my life and my love for you and others.

-LCA

Walk behind, walk in front, walk together.

Can anybody hear me?
Can anybody see me?
Cause I think I lost my way.
Will anybody watch me?
Is someone gonna stop me?
This could be my last mistake.
Put the gun down.
Just put the gun down.

Will you let me listen to you?
Will you let me see you for who you truly are?
Let me guide you through the darkness of insanity.
Will you let me watch you until I fall asleep?
Will I be enough to stop you?
This could be my last mistake.
Put your gun down.
Just take the gun and hope I won’t point it at me.

Won’t you be scared of the roars and the screams?
Promise you will not turn your face away when you see my true face.
I will follow.
But aren’t you afraid of a Nightmare walking behind you?
I don’t know, are you?
Even if I wanted to.. I can’t.
I am my only target.

I cannot be scared of echoes of help that I hear for your color. But tell me will you not run when you hear me scream, howl, lament and cry?
Promise me you will not see the glass every one choose to see when they see me, you will only be mesmerized by my eyes, just like I will be by yours.
I am not capable to be frightened of what will protect me, will you let me be in front of you? Guiding the path you take.
I may be. If I wish it enough, I may not just yet know what I am able of.
If you will not you do not leave me much choice.
I take if away for you.
Cause you if you pull the trigger i will pull mine.

I can’t be afraid of what I’ve lived with for so long; so don’t worry about that.
Yes, I’m here to protect you.
Please be, it’s all I ask for.

Others will see us and be scared, anxious just by the sound of our names.
If you walk behind me I will be sure I will take the most correct path, will not let you give up, will show you the most beautiful things nature can show us.
If I let you carry me I know you will take the safest path, will hold me close so I won’t get cold, will show me that chavarity is not dead.
But if we walk side by side, we can be invincible. We will combine all of us good and bad, and everyone will know who we are.
In the darkness and brightest places our names, love and stories will be whispered and heard.
We will both inspire fear and hope; our enemies will not know what there are getting themselves into, and our friends will know who we really are.
You just have to take my hand, pull away the gun, give me the gun, and cry in my shoulder until you fall asleep to rest for tonight.

Doesn’t matter how strong I am and how strong I can be.
I still need your support.
Let’s walk together, I want that for us.
Is just that sometimes is so hard.
I feel better now.
Just let me fall asleep with you.