The tiny drops of rain splash my face once in a while, but I don’t care. It started raining a while ago, but the large tree above me lends me shelter. Today feels relaxing and fresh, the cold breeze touches and caress my skin, my hair, and my feelings.
My eyes look around for something, for everything. A band’s playing a couple meters away, their acoustic sound is what’s calling the rain. The clouds wanted to hear it too. The sweet sound of music playing for anyone who wants to shut up and listen.
The band sounds good, but that’s not all… it looks lovely, in a tiny truck with three guys playing their hearts out and enjoying what the love, living what the are passionate about. Around them and behind you can see a small forest, all the leaves smiling happily and great full for he tunes and the water.
The water is stronger now and I’m getting wet, I get the feeling I want to stand up and dance along with the music they are playing from their heart; across the rain and the soil. And even I know I would feel alive and my friends would love it, I stand up and walk into a small shaft to seek refuge from the rain.
Sometimes life and love are not fair, they tend to give us challenges, punishments, and temptations. They choose to show and let us be close to what we want and wish, but never permiting us have it. It takes all of our strength to not move, touch or speak, and it can be mistaken by fear, pride, or inner judgment.
So I stand up today and say it out loud because I cannot continue under the unfairness. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I cannot touch you, speak to you, see you, or hug you every time I want. I feel a pain in my chest and my breath goes away every moment you are around, the sound of your voice or a glance of your silhouette; that I have memorized by heart.
I know why it is; I know you are close, and my heart cannot understand why you are not looking at me or desiring me as much as he does. You are close, hanging around, but not enough for my craving to be satiated.
It’s not fair to live in that unknown of what to do, think and how to act. One minute it seems like the attraction is mutual and our souls are in the same channel, other it seems like we are so apart we even are in different planets. I want to hold your hand as long as I want and that we can speak so much our throats hurt. I want to to all this and more in the most simple and sane way possible.
I want to let me feel you and grant you permission to you explore me in every way you wish, let the unknown go away; allow our feelings come and speak for themselves. But it does not matter how much I want things to be or how much my heart squeezes himself, some situations will not change and come clear.
Speaking all of this I may not change anything of the world around me or it’s unfairness. What really changes is me, I no longer have to be silent and keep everything I want to tell you and the world. I can finally be honest with myself and stop playing as all useless and defenseless against my life and my love for you and others.
How do you do it? Why does my mind and body react the way they do? Have I gone crazy? The simple though of you makes me feel warm and happy.
Is this love? If it is… how do you react to it? Can you control it? Why can I think straight? I feel confused yet confident.
What are you doing to me?, that I cannot understand anymore or find logic in it. So many questions and new emotions in my mind and body that I cannot control them anymore, if I try it I might go crazy.
People say that when you love someone they will take you breath away… but I don't believe in that. Cause when I'm with you I feel the air around me go lighter, I feel my world go slow and my chest more free, I can sense peace and love, and when I kiss you I can feel like I haven't breath any air in ages. Your kisses, they give me life and I feel myself falling right into your arms at peace, right where I belong.
I have a hypothesis,
maybe the words we don’t speak
are held in our insides.
Creating similar copies of ourselves.
Each one of those copies
having their own thought and feelings.
These “clones” will be waiting,
to get attention of their creator.
Each creator see them as shadows
they must not get out,
because there is always the fear of what
the world will say about them.
Each part don’t understand
That is when conflicts appear.
The clones will began to hold grudge,
against their creator.
Until they become what their initiator saw them as,
If only those shadows that were created,
remained as just shadows
but they don’t.
Shadows will began to get stronger,
feeding from our insecurities and fears.
Shadows later on will be
Demons that will be hidden,
in the darkest parts of us.