to you

Between hate and love there is a very fine line, we as a particular couple, always dancing in that tightrope.

We cannot rewrite what is already written, just as we cannot rewrite the stars. The past is in the past, every memorie, kiss, hug, feeling, tear, smile, word belongs only to us.

Even today I still hear you in the songs I listen, and I still hide you in the words I write. I hate it, I hate it as much as you do, believe me, and it angers me enough to feel my blood boil. I feel like it is imposible to not love you and miss you, you were my love, my darling, my soulmate, my home… Now I feel like I don’t belong, lost.

But the hurt and the anger transformed into experience and courage. Just like yourself I would not change who I am today.

I thank you for being my first in many things and for teaching me so many stuff about me, about humans and about love and hate.

I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me. Yet we decided to give a piece of each other to one another.

LCA 2018

Una Carta de Amor

Ser egoísta no es algo que disfruto y en la mayoría de los casos lo detesto. Pero hoy voy a ignorar eso, porque yo misma quiero serlo. Seré egoísta por razones personales e ilógicas. Porque el orgullo humano no se conforma de forma sencilla y el mio no se conformará a menos de que te diga esto. Porque mi yo ilógico necesita que lo escuches, lo sepas y lo entiendas.

Me declaro egoísta, de hoy en adelante por ti porque no quiero que nadie más te tenga. Te quiero para mi y solo para mí. Tu sonrisa, tus besos, tus abrazos, tus latidos, tus sueños, tus lagrimas y deserciones, tus glorias y felicidades; quiero que todo sea mio y todo sea tuyo. Pero no quiero que sean de nadie más de la misma manera. Quiero ser egoísta cuando el tema eres tú, quiero que seas mío de una forma amorosa y sana.

Mi deseo de entregarme a ti y tenerte en mí es egoísta y lo acepto así. Aun así lo sueño y lo guardo en mí. Espero un día tenerte para mi y que me desees tanto a mí también, porque estoy dispuesta a entregarte todo también, que esto… Sea mutuo. Sea nuestro. Sea egoísta.

The unfairness of love

Sometimes life and love are not fair, they tend to give us challenges, punishments, and temptations. They choose to show and let us be close to what we want and wish, but never permiting us have it. It takes all of our strength to not move, touch or speak, and it can be mistaken by fear, pride, or inner judgment.

So I stand up today and say it out loud because I cannot continue under the unfairness.  It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I cannot touch you, speak to you, see you, or hug you every time I want. I feel a pain in my chest and my breath goes away every moment you are around, the sound of your voice or a glance of your silhouette; that I have memorized by heart.

I know why it is; I know you are close, and my heart cannot understand why you are not looking at me or desiring me as much as he does. You are close, hanging around, but not enough for my craving to be satiated.

It’s not fair to live in that unknown of what to do, think and how to act. One minute it seems like the attraction is mutual and our souls are in the same channel, other it seems like we are so apart we even are in different planets. I want to hold your hand as long as I want and that we can speak so much our throats hurt. I want to to all this and more in the most simple and sane way possible.

I want to let me feel you and grant you permission to you explore me in every way you wish, let the unknown go away; allow our feelings come and speak for themselves. But it does not matter how much I want things to be or how much my heart squeezes himself, some situations will not change and come clear.

Speaking all of this I may not change anything of the world around me or it’s unfairness. What really changes is me, I no longer have to be silent and keep everything I want to tell you and the world. I can finally be honest with myself and stop playing as all useless and defenseless against my life and my love for you and others.


Walk behind, walk in front, walk together.

Can anybody hear me?
Can anybody see me?
Cause I think I lost my way.
Will anybody watch me?
Is someone gonna stop me?
This could be my last mistake.
Put the gun down.
Just put the gun down.

Will you let me listen to you?
Will you let me see you for who you truly are?
Let me guide you through the darkness of insanity.
Will you let me watch you until I fall asleep?
Will I be enough to stop you?
This could be my last mistake.
Put your gun down.
Just take the gun and hope I won’t point it at me.

Won’t you be scared of the roars and the screams?
Promise you will not turn your face away when you see my true face.
I will follow.
But aren’t you afraid of a Nightmare walking behind you?
I don’t know, are you?
Even if I wanted to.. I can’t.
I am my only target.

I cannot be scared of echoes of help that I hear for your color. But tell me will you not run when you hear me scream, howl, lament and cry?
Promise me you will not see the glass every one choose to see when they see me, you will only be mesmerized by my eyes, just like I will be by yours.
I am not capable to be frightened of what will protect me, will you let me be in front of you? Guiding the path you take.
I may be. If I wish it enough, I may not just yet know what I am able of.
If you will not you do not leave me much choice.
I take if away for you.
Cause you if you pull the trigger i will pull mine.

I can’t be afraid of what I’ve lived with for so long; so don’t worry about that.
Yes, I’m here to protect you.
Please be, it’s all I ask for.

Others will see us and be scared, anxious just by the sound of our names.
If you walk behind me I will be sure I will take the most correct path, will not let you give up, will show you the most beautiful things nature can show us.
If I let you carry me I know you will take the safest path, will hold me close so I won’t get cold, will show me that chavarity is not dead.
But if we walk side by side, we can be invincible. We will combine all of us good and bad, and everyone will know who we are.
In the darkness and brightest places our names, love and stories will be whispered and heard.
We will both inspire fear and hope; our enemies will not know what there are getting themselves into, and our friends will know who we really are.
You just have to take my hand, pull away the gun, give me the gun, and cry in my shoulder until you fall asleep to rest for tonight.

Doesn’t matter how strong I am and how strong I can be.
I still need your support.
Let’s walk together, I want that for us.
Is just that sometimes is so hard.
I feel better now.
Just let me fall asleep with you.

The time between us

How to stop time= kiss
How to travel time= read
How to escape time= music
How to feel time= write
How to release time= breath

“I want to be escaping time with you in the endless nights, while we travel time through our eyes and feel time in the proximity of our skin, and every time we stop time we feel like it’s the first time in awhile that we release it.” – LCA

Little princess: moonlight

One warm night the little princess, unable to sleep went for a walk to catch some air. To her pleasent surprise the moon was out almost full and the white glow will illuminate all the kingdom. She unaware ended up in one of her favorite places, the garden.

She sat on the edge of the fountain watching at the water flow and the moons reflection. She started humming and then singing.

“Hold me close and hold me fast

The magic spell you cast

This is la vie en rose

When you kiss me, Heaven sighs

And though I close my eyes

I see la vie en rose”

In the middle of the night, from one off the windows someone was watching her with hypnotized gazed. Starting to walk faster across the halls just to be with her a little time. Before continuing singing the little princess turned around by a noise, just to see her loyal soldier standing on the door; catching his breath. He came closer with calm steps and she moved to the side to let him sit near to her.

The moon was shining both of them… a little princess and a nightmare. She turned to see him just to find him staring at her with no shame. His eyes light up by the moon melting her heart and made her feel save. She crawled near him and put both of her hands on the side of his face. He closed the space between them and kissed her with all the desire and love he had for her. Without shame they stayed on each other’s arms until late.

At the end the little princess fell asleep on his arms and her loyal soldier carried her to her bed. Laying her in with a soft touch, and before walking away he gave her a small kiss on the forehead.

“You are the best nightmare I’ve ever had” the little princess whispered to him before kissing him softly in his mouth and going back to bed where once again she fell asleep instantly.

What is happening?

How do you do it? Why does my mind and body react the way they do? Have I gone crazy? The simple though of you makes me feel warm and happy.

Is this love? If it is… how do you react to it? Can you control it? Why can I think straight? I feel confused yet confident.

What are you doing to me?, that I cannot understand anymore or find logic in it. So many questions and new emotions in my mind and body that I cannot control them anymore, if I try it I might go crazy.


People say that when you love someone they will take you breath away… but I don't believe in that. Cause when I'm with you I feel the air around me go lighter, I feel my world go slow and my chest more free, I can sense peace and love, and when I kiss you I can feel like I haven't breath any air in ages. Your kisses, they give me life and I feel myself falling right into your arms at peace, right where I belong.