I don’t need anyone – 1st

“I don’t need anyone”, ese pensamientos siempre viene a mi mente. Los humanos jamás vamos a cumplir. Las personas me van a lastimar y van a fallarme y va a ser una mierda total.

Habrán momentos que no tengo a quien llamar cuando estoy feliz y menos cuando estoy triste. Nunca he tenido un grupo de amigos cercanos, no suelo tener un grupo de personas constante. Porque siempre terminan de una u otra manera haciéndome sentir mal o yo sientiendo que no les importo o no los quiero molestar. Que no soy parte.

La verdad… es que es más fácil fingir y sonreír. Pero en lo momento que estamos solos… no hay a quien engañar. Es más fácil decir “I don’t need anyone” y es cierto, pero no quiero. Duele mucho más el estar sola, el no tener a nadie, el fingir estar bien siempre.

Future choices

Sometimes I become afraid of the choices I have to make in my life. I feel insecure of what the future holds for me. I’m terrified of how I will change other lives, mostly in a bad way, cause let’s accept it if it was in a positive way I wouldn’t hesitate. I cannot stop thinking of the consequences that may come from those choices, how they can affect me and the people surrounding me, how it will change our roles in this drama called life with lots of laughter, tears, adventures, secrets, opportunities, failure and more.

I wish I could stop time, so that I could take it slower and calmer but I know two truths to that statement.

  • Number one, if I could stop time, I would probably stop time forever. Make it mine and savour it in my palms as much as I want. 
  • Number two, it is not possible to do that, so I shall not think about it. I should not waste my energy on irrational thinking.

I stand on my knees pleading the Lord to guide me. He can stop time and he has more knowledge than anyone, he the all mighty that is looking and protecting me all the time. I ask you humilated to take my life and do with it whatever you want, and give me the strength and confidence I need in order to cope with the life you have given me. Cause we both know I cannot do this alone, but with you I can move foward.