Streaming, a new experience.

I’ve always loved spending time with myself either just relaxing or enjoying my hobbies, and since I finished college I have been able to enjoy more free time for myself since now my only responsibility is my job. Before, I was working and studying so my free time was very very limited I was even barely able to sleep and eat at some point.

I cannot say I didn’t love having a tight schedule tho I have always been a very fast passing girl, and my personality and life reflect it. Now with so much extra time, I started to feel overwhelmed, and even when I tried to concentrate on my hobbies and myself; I felt I was getting stuck and very bored. After some days of asking myself the question “what should I do?” I actually remembered I have always wanted to do online content or try it at least. I also remembered all the streams I watch and the fun that came with it. Then it hit me, I should start a streaming channel, and so after a few days my idea to start streaming began to marginate.

My mind is filled with so many ideas and experiences I would love to share with friends and well strangers that could eventually become friends. Helping myself be busy and boost skills such as confidence and versability. But, I couldn’t just start streaming without a plan. My next move was to start reading, seeing videos, and informing myself of the streaming world and what tips could I apply to my upcoming streams.

I started to put my heart and soul into the process of creating days before my first stream by creating banners, an avatar, alerts, and descriptions. Planning on what games to play first and topics to talk about. So after a few weeks of me getting ready and preparing technically and mentally, I started on my first live stream. After so many technical issues the stream that ended up lasting for over an hour went surprisingly well and I loved it, with my friends that joined me and cheered me! It was an amazing experience.

It has been over a week since I started streaming and I have been loving each second! I am still rather scared and nervous, but I feel like I am getting the hang of it. I want to see how far can I get and how many memories I can create, I mean… I got nothing to lose.

If you want to join me I would love to meet you! My stream account is @justwonderlive.

Links:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustWonderLive
Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/justwonderlive

I wish not

I am not going to wish he was here.
If I wish for it means that it could be possible and it is not. He will not be here with me, and he is not going to spend this lovely day by my side.
I don’t want to pretend and wish for all that bullshit. Cause if I am not willing to make it happen then that’s all it is.
I shouldn’t be filling my mind and heart with irrational thoughts, it’s dangerous and painful.

to you

Between hate and love there is a very fine line, we as a particular couple, always dancing in that tightrope.

We cannot rewrite what is already written, just as we cannot rewrite the stars. The past is in the past, every memorie, kiss, hug, feeling, tear, smile, word belongs only to us.

Even today I still hear you in the songs I listen, and I still hide you in the words I write. I hate it, I hate it as much as you do, believe me, and it angers me enough to feel my blood boil. I feel like it is imposible to not love you and miss you, you were my love, my darling, my soulmate, my home… Now I feel like I don’t belong, lost.

But the hurt and the anger transformed into experience and courage. Just like yourself I would not change who I am today.

I thank you for being my first in many things and for teaching me so many stuff about me, about humans and about love and hate.

I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me. Yet we decided to give a piece of each other to one another.

LCA 2018

lost

why
why do i still feel your touch when my soul stretches to reach for love
i want your soul to feel like home to mine like that day
why do i still think about you with a warmth in my heart
i wanna be swoon by your presence
why do i still fell myself wanting to fall
i wanna fall so you can catch me

since that day i feel lost, i lost my love, i lost my sense, i lost my home.

LCA 2018

Cruzando miradas

Puedo no mirarte, verme indiferente, ser monótona, cuidarme a mi misma y ser invisible. Pero eso no implica no verte y privarme de ese pequeño momento.

Pero el instante que me arriesgo y te miro; no puedo evitar sonreír, no logro evitar sentirme feliz tampoco se me dan las fuerzas para detener mi cuerpo de reaccionar. Y cuando siento que mis piernas dejan de funcionar y que mis mejillas se tornan rojas debo de apartar mi mirada de tus ojos. Y aún sin tener que mirarte puedo sentirte seguir mis movimientos de manera sutil.

Tu risa nerviosa y conversación rápida me tranquiliza porque me muestra que tienes tantos nervios como yo. No quiero parecer loca o una niña pero a veces sé que no puedo verte, porque cuando comienzo a tener control me sonríes, guiñas el ojo y siento como se desvanece el sentido de calma. Y he empezado a darme cuenta que me gusta sentirme así.

¿Conquistar o ser conquistado?

¿Se puede conquistar un mundo sin destruirlo?

Conquistar no se debería llamar a lo que uno quiere conocer, conocer es entrar al mundo de otra persona como un turista. Nos sentimos a gusto con lo que tenemos pero entonces, ¿por qué nos atrae lo desconocido? Tal vez conquistar y conocer sean diferentes, pero están conectados. Pues, conquistar es encontrar dos mundos totalmente diferentes que hablen el mismo idioma, y en ese momento es cuando se quiere conocer.

“¿Por qué relacionamos el conquistar con motivos sexuales?” me pregunté un día mientras veía cómo las personas hablaban sin sentimiento. Y luego me dije a mi misma, “porque conquistar es solo querer invadir a alguien sin saber lo que pasa más allá de una sonrisa. Conocer a alguien es saber sus temores, sueños, desafíos, el sentimiento de sus lágrimas y sus risas.

-LCA